Former Pizza Company CEO Guarantees Surge at the Polls
WASHINGTON, DC - Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, a former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, has taken his surge at the polls to heart. The now-frontrunner for the Republican nomination is promising a free can of Surge soda for every vote he receives. “America is in trouble,” Cain said. “The economy and our spirits need a boost. The refreshing taste of Surge will not only give us tasty refreshment, it’ll give us the energy to make this country great again. And, oh yeah, taxes are bad.”
Cain said he got the idea for giving away Surge from his days as head of his pizza company. His company would give away a free bottle of soda when customers bought a combination of pizzas. Despite Cain’s claims to the contrary, critics believe Cain’s 9-9-9 tax policy idea stemmed from his pizza days as well. Godfather’s Pizza was known for their 9-9-9 pizza deal: buy any three medium-sized pizzas with any choice of toppings for only nine dollars each, not including tax.
Thanks to Chris Dignes for the headline. Follow him at Dignetumble on Tumblr and at TehDig on Twitter.
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